Alejandro Ingelmo

 

mild obsession.  

in the midst

i have been thinking a lot lately about what the word 'home' means to me.
in a person
in architecture
in friendships
in romantic relationships
in myself

what makes me feel good
inside my own skin

and part of what makes me spill these words
onto someone else
onto myself
is the ability to release
creative energy
freely
exchange it freely
the ability
to express myself
in abstracts
or literals
but with love and soaring freedom
dripping
as subtext constantly
luscious colours
extravagant declarations
pure
belief in the process
pure trust
in placing your heart
in someone else's hands
and not allowing
the reciprocation
to matter
either way

and the home
within myself
feels rejuvenated
and crisp
on a day
when i remembered

that i am still in the midst
of chopping the wood
for my cabin
on the side of a rock
i am still in the midst
of falling in love with
the sun
i am still in the midst
of being amazed by the green
of the pine trees
cascading, covering
a shard of rock
that protrudes from the earth
that we call a mountain

that i am still in the midst
of falling in love
with my friends
and their words are like vitamins
and feed my soul
when i get stuck in a moment

that i am still in the midst
of falling in love with the grace
of my mother's silence
that resonate
behind my ribs
made of coral
rescued from the sea
her words reside
beneath my feet everyday that
i step out into the world
her words
are the framework
of my heart
the nerves
that provide
stimulus
to my soul

that i am still in the midst
of admiring
the incredible beauty
of nature
and my part in it
when the moon is full
and when the moon is not
and the connection i feel
to her undeniable majority
even when i feel
like the minority

that i am still in the midst
of hearing the most beautiful
sounds
from the speakers
of my heart
and singing along
to the song
that plays
when happiness makes me cry

i am still in the midst
of colouring

outside the lines

that i am still in the midst
of the most beautiful
love affair
with myself
and that

that

is just as it should be.
sour raspberries
sweet chocolate
juicy peaches
satiating
nourishment
that
will
never
die.

yes please....

Marc by Marc Jacobs Totally Turnlock Helena

i would like this to be delivered to my apartment accompanied by a dozen Orchids.  thanks..... xoxo

promised land

ride it out
ride it out
write it out
write it out

promised land


you're taking up lots of space
your shit is everywhere
your breath is all up in my face
your hands are swarming in the air

you're the first one out the car and then
you're the loudest one in the bar
tell me, is there something wrong, girlfriend?
what's with this new version of who you are?

so she lifts her chin and squints at me
to assess what i think i know
she says, my heart has some dangerous neighborhoods
so beware where you try to go

they say that the truth will set you free
but then so will a lie
it depends if you're trying to get to the promised land
or you're just trying to get by

what is a camera but a box of light?
what is a guitar but a box of sound?
you think i don't understand
but i think i might

what it is to harness the emptiness
and just ride it around
and maybe your chest is an empty shell
with ribs of spiraling coral

where a perfect pearl of sadness resides
but if you ever need an ear
i could just come and press it there
listen to the sound of the ocean inside

© 2003 ani difranco / righteous babe music

my friends
don't recognize this face
this body
this touch
this energy

contorted
reverted
dormant
docile
lack of light

even i don't recognize
my reflection
although i keep telling myself
it's evolution
so that i don't trip up
flip up
skip up

it's not that
it's something else
caged
trapped
unthought
unsaid
un-fled

all my fail-safe locks
have been
bypassed
have been
picked
have been
short circutted
 
and the only thing
that i can think of to do
is blow it all up
flames
explosions
debris
gasoline
dynamite.......tnt
 
and light it.
 
between here and there
between then and now
between love and hate
between friends and lovers
between his and hers
between fight and flight
 

in the margins


such an intent stare
one eye at a time
your talons like fish hooks
you are a rare bird
the kind i wouldn't even mind
writing in the margins of my books

sometimes i see myself
through the eyes of a stray dog
from an alley across the street
and my whole mission just seems so finite
my whole saga just seems so cheap

i mean i know that now is all there is
and love will just make you cry
so i live for the sight of a rare bird
suddenly flying by
and i meet your stare
one eye at a time
writing in the margins of my mind

sometimes i see myself
through the eyes of a stray dog
from an alley across the street
and my whole mission just seems so finite
my whole saga just seems so cheap

and that's when your song calls to me
from way up in a tree
and i look up
and the whole world
is as it should be

© 2006 righteous babe music / bmi

reclaim positive space

Halloween goodness

so, i have been a little tardy in my posts as of late.  feeling pretty big emotions these days.  and for this post i would like to dedicate it some of the things that pull me out of my head and wake me up to the beautiful and incredible things that life offers.  if you choose to see them.  if you are open enough to see them.

this picture is of a little boy, standing with his Dad on Friday morning.  going to school with his lion costume on.  you can't really see the amazingness of his facial expression.  but i assure you that those rays of sunshine that are overtaking the picture was pretty much his energy and incredibleness articulated by the sun.  and its effects on me when i saw him standing there waiting for the bus with his Dad.  i had a better picture, but this one really does what it's supposed to.  overwhelm you with love and warmth via a child with incredible love as his compass.

sunsets in the fall

sometimes i get on this trip about my 9-5.  and all i can focus on is putting one foot in front of the other.  productivity.  efficiency.  early rising.  concerning myself with making other people rich for the wrong reasons.  and, to me, there really are the right ones.  i just haven't encountered them yet.  and when i get into this pattern of thinking - it's nice to look up and feel a sense of all encompassing insignificant importance.  that we are all together in this fight.  that we are all together in this collective sigh at times.  that we are all together in this love.  that my purpose is to exude love and light to all those who reflect it back to me without judgment, condition and purpose.

reach out

sometimes all we are looking for is a hand.  in the form of listening.  in the form of advice.  in the form of presence.  in the form of a smile.  in the form of a phone call.  and most of the time, it comes at the time that you least expect.  and from the person you least expect.  which is the perfect moment.  which is the perfect person.  which is the perfect ________ in its imperfection.  because i am not looking for perfection.  i am looking for flaws.  and honesty.  and overwhelming light.  that all the people in my life understand that they are exactly who they are meant to be.  when they stop over thinking it.  just like i do......

that isn't the sun or the moon.  it's a streetlight....

there are illusions that i sometimes get confused about.  thinking something or someone is one way and then get reminded that i need to stay humble.  and remember that being a student is the most important thing.  rather than getting caught up in the artificial brightness of streetlights.  they are everywhere and as common as a penny son.  but the light i seek is from within.  and from above.

Montreal West Shop Keeper

so - i went to the dentist this week.  it was traumatizing and anxiety inducing.....to say the least.  and i walked out of the appointment on an immediate search for coffee (which i have started drinking again....), in which i was successful at finding.  along with an amazing chocolate chip mini loaf.  <3 but, more pointedly, i saw this man opening up his store.  with his fantastic Cosby sweater on.  and in stature, he reminded me of my grandfather.  big belly.  heart of gold.  just by the way he interacted with me.  called me darlin' like a hundred times in the span of the seven and a half minutes that we interacted.  warm.  human.  i bet he has a lot of grand kids.  and he loves every one of them with the whole of his heart.  that was clearly displayed to me when i saw him.  and spoke to him.  and the sense of calm and comfort that he provided to me in the middle of my anxiety attack was like none other.  and it made me think '....you can't always get what you want.  but if you try sometimes......you get what you need.'  that although my family is far away in proximity to me, there are elements in every person that i encounter that draws me into strangers.  and just how beautiful that is.  that i can feel so close to someone i hardly know.  makes me feel open.

it makes me feel that although i have trials, although i have big emotions that somewhat alienate people around me.....i feel a solid sense of myself and what i need and want.  and sometimes my outsides don't match my insides.....i would love for my loved ones to trust in what i have spent a good amount of time building and nurturing.

or maybe i just want to trust myself.

maybe that.  <3